I guess it's normal to slip into a bit of a rut after a vacation, but I think I've actually been in one for quite some time now, and the periods of time when I have vacations or an abundance of activities going on, really just becomes sort of a diversion. Not that I'm complaining. Diversions of that sort are pretty awesome. However, as soon as things die down again (even for a few days), I'm reminded of where I'm at and where I'd like to be. I'll be honest...sometimes it's a harsh wake up call.
This mostly revolves around career woes, as my steady job with an educational web site is slow most of the month (at least until this Fall when I will most likely be taking on some more responsibilities there), and as you can imagine, pursuing a career in show business can be very sporadic (not to mention, often discouraging) at times. I find myself caught between wanting to find an additional job and wanting to keep my life as flexible as it is now (which is pretty essential for acting auditions, and certainly convenient for all the traveling I love to do). The freedom is nice, but the periods of down time are enough to make me go stir crazy sometimes. And I feel like it's far too easy for me to get lazy with things like eating right and exercising when I don't feel like I have a true purpose and like I am actually making some sort of difference to people each and every day (aside from writing to you lovely people, of course!).
Do you ever feel like you spend half your day just envying other people and what you imagine their lives to be like? When I'm keeping busy and active, I don't have time for that ridiculousness. It's always better when I don't have too much time to think. Haha.
Anyway, I've been brainstorming and weighing some ideas of what to do. It's a little frustrating and nerve wracking to think about implementing some changes, but it's also exciting and liberating to feel like I have options and to know that I can take control of the situation and make a choice. My life just needs a shot of adrenaline right now. I am better when I'm keeping busy and hopefully, being creative and social.
I definitely do not want this to sound like a giant pity party, and in the midst of wanting to make some changes, I've been even more aware of the things in my life that are just where they need to be. Big or small, trivial or serious, it's nice to take note of these things! :)
I am currently thankful for:
- That winding-down time at night, a few hours before bed, where I get cozy with my laptop to browse blogs or do some random light reading on different web sites. My boyfriend sits next to me, watching TV. We're together, but doing our own thing to decompress for the night. Every now and then one of us will reach over to squeeze the other's hand.
- The better place I am in now (financially, emotionally, mentally), compared to when I first moved to Austin 2 years ago. I'm proud of the life I've created here. And I know I can still go much, much further.
- The fact that my ankle is almost 100% recovered and I can wear heels again... and that my hair is finally long enough to throw up into a seriously legit ponytail or bun on the top of my head. Woo!
- A domestic side that I never knew existed (I cook and come up with recipes now? What? And I enjoy it? Whaaaat?).
- Coffee in the morning and cocktails at night.
- My supportive boyfriend who I know will support me in whatever crazy endeavors I decide to go for.
Hopefully I will have some updates on this whole situation soon! Stay tuned...